Lonely 英文詩

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Lonely 英文詩

文章藍鳥 發表於 週二 12月 10, 2013 12:37 am

 

Lonely

Sitting alone in the wheelchair
In the corner of the dining room
I sat beside him
Whom he got injured of the brain
Many months ago
Now he is here for rehabilitation

He stared at me and
Suddenly muttering
" Lonely as your spirit , fleeing
Lonely as a bird , flying
Lonely as the deep see , drowning
Only you are your own  spirit
if you can get over  with the other
And lonely if you are  dying "

Reaching out of his hands
Grasping of mine
Repeatedly saying
" Lonely as your spirit.....
藍鳥
普通會員
 
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Re: Lonely 英文詩

文章麵糰仔 發表於 週六 1月 18, 2014 12:33 pm

 

deep see? typo?

The poem's got strange sentence structure but i quite like the rhythms.
Interesting to read.

Not sure what you mean by "get over with the other", care to explain?

Thanks for sharing
Some write to remember; some write to forget.
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麵糰仔
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Re: Lonely 英文詩

文章藍鳥 發表於 週日 1月 19, 2014 7:49 am

 

Hello麵糰仔



Thanks for you criticism.
What I had meant "to get over with the other" is to overcome oneself.
This is my first English poem and will continuous to work hard.

Nice meeting you !




藍鳥
普通會員
 
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Re: Lonely 英文詩

文章麵糰仔 發表於 週二 1月 21, 2014 11:07 am

 

Hey nice to meet you, too!

I'm pretty sure "to get over with" isn't exactly "to overcome".
http://www.usingenglish.com/reference/p ... +with.html

Since it's your first English poem, there's no excuse not to make things right, right?

I just had a look of my first ever English poem. Oh my gosh it was unbelievable! And that is not a compliment.

Anyway, have fun writing and posting stuff here.  
Some write to remember; some write to forget.
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麵糰仔
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Re: Lonely 英文詩

文章藍鳥 發表於 週三 1月 22, 2014 11:30 pm

 

Hi There ~~~

Writing poem is fun but learning English is not fun.
Sometimes when we write either in English or Chinese, we forget the grammar or the true meaning of those words.
But anyway, the expression of the true feeling in the poem is much more important. Agree or not ?

I am very appreciated of your comment .
See you soon !!
藍鳥
普通會員
 
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Re: Lonely 英文詩

文章麵糰仔 發表於 週日 1月 26, 2014 8:48 pm

 

藍鳥 寫:Sometimes when we write either in English or Chinese, we forget the grammar or the true meaning of those words.
But anyway, the expression of the true feeling in the poem is much more important. Agree or not ?


I tell you what, if what you write is something that DOESN'T MAKE SENSE AT ALL,
then people would not know and would not give a damn if it is your true feelings.

When you write, you have to keep your audience in mind.  
If you don't want to be understood, why bother posting your work up here?

Also, Chinese is our first language so naturally we can write without thinking too much about the grammar.
English is different.  When you write in English without thinking about the grammar, the spellings, the sentence structures, etc., you make a lot of mistakes and
your "true feeling" gets all unreadable and incomprehensible.  

So the answer is no, I don't agree with you.
Some write to remember; some write to forget.
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麵糰仔
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Re: Lonely 英文詩

文章藍鳥 發表於 週一 1月 27, 2014 11:00 am

 

Hello~~

Thanks again for your comments.
I will be very careful when writing either English or Chinese poems and I will not give up.
I am glad that I have an opportunity to post my articles and love to meet friends like you.
Happy Chinese New Year!
藍鳥
普通會員
 
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