週二 11月 07, 2006 9:36 am
Filling up
a cup of bitter night
Stir the sky
here I taste the height
a cup of bitter night
Stir the sky
here I taste the height
簡潔而有思索的餘味。第二段尤其如此。
問好了。
ZY
Coffee Shop on the Roof
外語文學翻譯或外語文學創作
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版主: 麵糰仔
週二 11月 21, 2006 4:36 pm
Hi,
Allow me to make a few comments. First, I must praise your originality. If I mentally translate your poem into Chinese I can see that it is a thoughtful little poem. However, as it is written, several troubling problems are immediately evident. The first stanza, again, is a faulty construction. It is an incomplete sentence. Native Chinese writers often don't realize how troubling this is to the English readers. I would encourage you to read up on sentence structures, or, better yet, take your poem to a native English speaker and frankly ask for their opinion and criticism. This is the only way to learn. Do not fall into the complacency of writing just "Chinese English." One has truly arrived if his writing shows no trace of a non-native awkwardness. It will be a long and arduous road, but one must strive for it. I do not expect everyone to become a Joseph Conrad in English proficiency, but we must try to write at least correct English.
Secondly, your poem strikes me as a variation of Haiku. If you are trying to do so in this widely accepted form of poetry, please consult a Haiku format. When I try to read it, and find out that it is neither Haiku nor other form of poetry, it only deepens my confusion and frustration.
Again, your writing is at a level worthy of my comments, unlike some of the postings here at this forum. I hope you don't take this as an offense.
Sincerely,
喬叟
Allow me to make a few comments. First, I must praise your originality. If I mentally translate your poem into Chinese I can see that it is a thoughtful little poem. However, as it is written, several troubling problems are immediately evident. The first stanza, again, is a faulty construction. It is an incomplete sentence. Native Chinese writers often don't realize how troubling this is to the English readers. I would encourage you to read up on sentence structures, or, better yet, take your poem to a native English speaker and frankly ask for their opinion and criticism. This is the only way to learn. Do not fall into the complacency of writing just "Chinese English." One has truly arrived if his writing shows no trace of a non-native awkwardness. It will be a long and arduous road, but one must strive for it. I do not expect everyone to become a Joseph Conrad in English proficiency, but we must try to write at least correct English.
Secondly, your poem strikes me as a variation of Haiku. If you are trying to do so in this widely accepted form of poetry, please consult a Haiku format. When I try to read it, and find out that it is neither Haiku nor other form of poetry, it only deepens my confusion and frustration.
Again, your writing is at a level worthy of my comments, unlike some of the postings here at this forum. I hope you don't take this as an offense.
Sincerely,
喬叟
週日 8月 09, 2009 7:14 pm
Sorry that I cannot exactly understand your poem .
Can you show more about what "Coffee Shop on the Roof"?
p.s. It's my first time to visit here. Need more practice and practice....
Can you show more about what "Coffee Shop on the Roof"?
p.s. It's my first time to visit here. Need more practice and practice....
週六 5月 07, 2011 6:01 am
I like the idea of this poem,however,as the viewer said,there may be a grammer issue here.
Though it is argued english poems are always "complete sentence."
Anyway,I like the poem and look forwards to see ur new works.
Though it is argued english poems are always "complete sentence."
Anyway,I like the poem and look forwards to see ur new works.