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喜菡文學網論壇 • 檢視主題 - 老人的童話

老人的童話

每日以投稿兩篇為限,連載小說每日請勿超過三章節

版主: 妍音, 跳舞鯨魚, ocoh

老人的童話

文章王慎 » 週日 8月 06, 2017 8:39 am

「喂!今天輪到我看電視!」孫子的爭吵聲像鈴鐺般,隨著窗外的煦陽,叮叮噹噹地,擾了老人的午休。老人雖然不情願地將眼睛睜開了一條縫,嘴角卻不自覺上揚。


   「媽你看他啦!今天明明換我看!」「智豪,你之前約定過了,今天輪到弟弟看電視,快點放開遙控器。」


        老人直接拿起遙控器,百般無聊地轉著節目。「爸,這禮拜六冠宇休假,我們想帶你去醫院檢查,你最近不是老覺得耳朵有問題嗎?」聽到耳朵的事,老人臉色不禁沉了下來。「這可能是車禍的後遺症,腦神經被壓到之類的,還是檢查過比較安心。」


       去醫院檢查嗎?心中總有股不安在繚繞著,卻說不出是在恐懼什麼。老人抿了下嘴,隨手披件沙發上的外套出門。


      四點多的和陽暖烘烘地灑在公園彩磚上,打鬧嬉戲的孩童們與帶著小孩的爺爺奶奶,讓老人不住停下了腳步,想將這一幕像回意一樣烙印在腦海。一天中最宜人的陽光落在外套上,讓老人毫不突兀地融入氛圍中。不知不覺天空已經,傾斜到那燼紫的西邊。


      「阿公,你回來啦!晚餐做好了。」從飯廳那一頭傳來孫子活潑的呼喊聲。老人將超商買來的便當放到桌上。


      星期六老人叫了輛計程車到長庚醫院,回家時天已經暗了。


      「阿公,你回來啦!晚餐做好了。」老人推開家門,映入眼簾的卻是一片漆黑,只有忘了關的電視,閃爍著妖異的光芒,電視劇中的家庭和樂融融地用著晚餐。醫生的話再次浮現腦海:「林先生,你的幻聽應該是車禍後,突然失去所有親人的打擊造成的,我開的抗憂鬱藥會影響腦內多巴胺,請記得要多去戶外走動,調節身心,下次回診時幻聽的情況應該能改善很多……」老人一邊看著電視劇,一邊咀嚼著醫生的話。
    
  「爸,這道菜你多吃點。」「阿公你看,這是我美勞課做的勞作!」「老公呀,年紀大了少抽點菸。」聽著劇中的對白,老人用顫抖的手擦拭留下的淚,將藥袋與回診單扔進垃圾桶裡。


  漸漸的,房子內只剩電視劇中幸福的談話聲,老人孤單的身影,則懸吊在他最愛的窗邊。
王慎
普通會員
 
文章: 9
註冊時間: 週三 8月 02, 2017 5:38 pm
來自: 桃園
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Re: 老人的童話

文章跳舞鯨魚 » 週三 8月 16, 2017 7:51 pm

悲傷的故事透過老人的幻聽
還原出一個家庭原本的幸福
本篇小說使用的視野
簡潔了沉重的議題
留下省思的餘韻

問好
跳舞鯨魚
《她身花園》
《幻獸症的屋子》
《溫泉熊旅館》
《恐怖闖關遊戲》
《風雨中的茄苳樹》
《魔市少年》
《闇覗者的回返-古族對話錄》(一段關於南島的故事旅程)
《魔樹少年》
頭像
跳舞鯨魚
小說投稿版召集人
 
文章: 1029
註冊時間: 週五 9月 18, 2009 2:40 pm
部落格: 觀看文章

Re: 老人的童話

文章ocoh » 週六 9月 16, 2017 10:31 am

情節上有所衝擊
但卻沒有太大的突兀感
容易帶人進入老人的視野
內容上還有補充的空間

ocoh說
ocoh部分長篇小說列表:
《迥空》
《總是夜》
《狼狼》
《3N8》
《人生》
頭像
ocoh
小說投稿版召集人
 
文章: 1115
註冊時間: 週六 9月 25, 2010 11:50 am
部落格: 觀看文章


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